in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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