His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
