HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
