I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
