My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
