didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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