im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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