so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
