Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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