Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
