i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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