I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
