Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
