But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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