Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
