I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
