Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
