haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bring me that man meat
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
