i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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