made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
