my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
