The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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