I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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