somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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