lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
