that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
