Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
