He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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