White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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