I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
