I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
