since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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