My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
