Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
