"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need a beard to bite.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
