Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
