My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want a musical about memes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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