Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A+ Viking dick
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
