do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
