You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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