isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
