pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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