I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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