I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
