so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
