shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
