You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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