I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Shame - the story of my life.
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