we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
