Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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