Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
