I cannot find my penis.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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