I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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