Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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